Many of us don't understand self-harm, and we don't try to understand. For those of you that want to learn a general idea of why people do it and the misconceptions of self-harm, you have come to the right place.
They're many misconceptions about hurting yourself (i.e self-harm is only cutting, people only do it for attention, it's just a phase, you can stop at any time, only teenagers do it, etc), and I will do my best to describe how those misconceptions are wrong and what self-harm really is.
First off, I'm speaking from experience from people around me and also from myself. I'm not just making this up as I go along, but I'm going to write what I know.
1. Self-harm is only cutting
That sounds silly, don't you think? Self-harm is doing any act that is harming yourself. It can be burning yourself, hitting yourself, scratching, hair pulling, etc. All of these types of self-harm should be taken seriously. Yes, some types of self-harm may have higher risks of infection or scarring, but all types are someone going out of their way to hurt themselves, which isn't okay.
2. People only do it for attention
Incorrect, flat out wrong. Yes, that could be a reason, but again it should be taken seriously. If someone is hurting themselves for attention than they need that attention. It's like a cry for help. People also self-harm to punish themselves, distract themselves, release pain, to feel something even if it's pain, and so on.
3. It's just a phase
Self-harm is a coping mechanism, which turns into an addiction. Just like any other bad coping mechanism (i.e alcohol, drugs), it can turn into an addiction quite easily. Saying "it's just a phase" invalidates their pain. It sounds like "eh this isn't important, you'll stop when you grow up". Addictions are hard to break, that's why they call them addictions. Which invalidates the other misconceptions saying only kids self-harm, and you can stop at any time.
They're many more misconceptions but let us jump into what self-harm is and my experience with it.
I can't describe what goes on in peoples minds that makes them think self-harm is their only option, however, I do know it happens often. In my mind, I'd never pick up a drink, but that doesn't mean other people don't think about getting wasted when they need relief. Not everyone has the same thoughts when it comes to bad coping mechanisms, we can't all understand each other, we just have to accept it and figure out a way to help.
From my experience, self-harm happens when any other addiction starts, when something bad happens and you don't know how to handle those emotions. You feel overwhelmed, and you want to get better right then and there.
Many things people don't think about is the effects that come along with self-harming (i.e how will the people who love you feel, infections, the chance of dying, scars that last forever, that you can't lie your way out of it forever, and getting addicted to it). So you can sit there and say "how could you hurt me this way" to someone who's self-harming but they don't want to hurt you. You saying that may just make them feel worse about it and not know how to deal with feeling like they hurt someone they love and go self-harm again. It becomes a cycle that you don't know how to stop. You feel bad? Self-harm. You feel bad about self-harming? Self-harm. You feel weak because you can't deal with emotions? Self-harm again. People who self-harm don't want to hurt anyone, but once you self-harm it becomes the only coping mechanism that seems to work, and it's hard to stop because you don't want to tell people you're self-harming, so you're in it alone.
Another thing is people who self-harm usually do not want to die. You self-harm to get feelings out (or whatever the reason is), not to die. Yes, you can cut too deep and something can go terribly wrong, but people don't usually think about that in the heat of the moment.
To sum all of this up, you shouldn't judge someone who self-harms because it's the same as any other bad coping mechanism. It needs to be taken care of in a loving and caring manner. Not getting upset or pushing it to the side like it doesn't matter. Know that everyone who self-harms is different, their reasons and ways of self-harming is different but should all be taken seriously. Even if the problem seems small to you it's real to them. They're hurting themselves because of these problems, which is serious. Try to change the misconceptions of self-harm that society has put into your head and change it to that it's 1. a bad coping mechanism, and 2. an addiction. It's not always that they want to die, they usually want to live. It's just a bad habit, and they need someone to stand by their side and be there for them.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert, I'm simply speaking from experience.
Wednesday, August 15, 2018
Wednesday, August 8, 2018
Back To School TIps
For me, starting a new year at school was 20% exciting and 80% dreadful. As much as I wanted the perfect outfit and best notebooks for my first day back, I'd end up wearing leggings and asking people for a piece of paper for the rest of the year. I have found some easy tips on how to stay semi-organized and ways to help you throughout your school year. Let's face it, there's no sure fired way to be organized and happy throughout your school year, so let's talk reality.
1. Always have a water bottle with you. Water is the best thing to drink, and you can bring it from home so you aren't spending money to get water at school. It also will help you stay hydrated and not fall asleep five minutes into history class.
2. Instead of a big binder for all your classes, try a notebook for each class. This will help you stay organized and help you find things easily. Science class? That's the blue notebook. Spanish class? That's the red notebook. That way it'll be easier to keep all of the papers your teacher hands you throughout class in the right place. I can't tell you how many times my math homework ended up in the French section of my notebook because I was too lazy to find the right section. If all your notebooks are separate, then even if the notebooks get messy you'll at least know where your papers are... Hopefully.
3. Go to sleep early. I know, you're a teenager and you want to stay up until midnight playing your favorite video games, but then you wake up at 5 a.m to get ready for school. You end up falling asleep in class or not paying attention because you need more sleep. For me, I went to bed at 7 p.m and fell asleep around 8-9 p.m. Then I woke up at 6 a.m to get ready for school. I was still tired throughout the day but I could pay attention and not fall asleep in class. You may be reading this in shock that someone can go to sleep at 8 p.m, but maybe aim for sleeping at 10 p.m instead of 2 a.m, your body will thank you.
4. Put your phone on silence and in your purse/ bookbag. This one is for many reasons. To start with, if you have your phone on you're desk you are going to check it. Constantly. You will also end up texting your friends and browsing social media, and before you know it you have no clue what the teacher is talking about. How can you possibly study if you haven't learned the material in class? Another reason to put your phone up is that the teacher will be less likely to help you in the future if they see you with your phone out 24/7. Most teachers will go out of their way to help students who put in the effort to learn, but if you don't try learning in class it's unlikely the teacher will help you outside of class.
5. If you have a class that you dread going to because of how boring it is, bring a snack. Bring something you can munch on throughout the entire class (i.g skittles, chips, grapes). Don't eat them all at once, but whenever you need a boost or something to wake your mind up a bit, take a bite.
6. Worry about you and you only. Don't worry about what certain people think of your outfit, or that mean girl that's sitting across from you. Focus on your grades and your mental health. Get plenty of sleep, study every now and then, find hobbies you love and have fun.
Basically, I know after a week or so your bookbag is going to be a wreck. You'll stop trying to find cute outfits and not want to wake up an hour early to fix your hair. You basically will stop caring. It's how every teenager is, especially in High School. So the tips I give aren't on getting all A's or how to look your best, it's how to survive.
1. Always have a water bottle with you. Water is the best thing to drink, and you can bring it from home so you aren't spending money to get water at school. It also will help you stay hydrated and not fall asleep five minutes into history class.
2. Instead of a big binder for all your classes, try a notebook for each class. This will help you stay organized and help you find things easily. Science class? That's the blue notebook. Spanish class? That's the red notebook. That way it'll be easier to keep all of the papers your teacher hands you throughout class in the right place. I can't tell you how many times my math homework ended up in the French section of my notebook because I was too lazy to find the right section. If all your notebooks are separate, then even if the notebooks get messy you'll at least know where your papers are... Hopefully.
3. Go to sleep early. I know, you're a teenager and you want to stay up until midnight playing your favorite video games, but then you wake up at 5 a.m to get ready for school. You end up falling asleep in class or not paying attention because you need more sleep. For me, I went to bed at 7 p.m and fell asleep around 8-9 p.m. Then I woke up at 6 a.m to get ready for school. I was still tired throughout the day but I could pay attention and not fall asleep in class. You may be reading this in shock that someone can go to sleep at 8 p.m, but maybe aim for sleeping at 10 p.m instead of 2 a.m, your body will thank you.
4. Put your phone on silence and in your purse/ bookbag. This one is for many reasons. To start with, if you have your phone on you're desk you are going to check it. Constantly. You will also end up texting your friends and browsing social media, and before you know it you have no clue what the teacher is talking about. How can you possibly study if you haven't learned the material in class? Another reason to put your phone up is that the teacher will be less likely to help you in the future if they see you with your phone out 24/7. Most teachers will go out of their way to help students who put in the effort to learn, but if you don't try learning in class it's unlikely the teacher will help you outside of class.
5. If you have a class that you dread going to because of how boring it is, bring a snack. Bring something you can munch on throughout the entire class (i.g skittles, chips, grapes). Don't eat them all at once, but whenever you need a boost or something to wake your mind up a bit, take a bite.
6. Worry about you and you only. Don't worry about what certain people think of your outfit, or that mean girl that's sitting across from you. Focus on your grades and your mental health. Get plenty of sleep, study every now and then, find hobbies you love and have fun.
Basically, I know after a week or so your bookbag is going to be a wreck. You'll stop trying to find cute outfits and not want to wake up an hour early to fix your hair. You basically will stop caring. It's how every teenager is, especially in High School. So the tips I give aren't on getting all A's or how to look your best, it's how to survive.
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
The Best Netflix And Hulu Television Series
If you're anything like me, you like having shows you can binge watch. You aren't so big on shows to watch here and there, but you want something that draws you in for days and days. Here are my top binge-worthy shows that are on either Netflix or Hulu.
Netflix Shows
1. Bates Motel
Bates Motel is five seasons that amazed me throughout each episode. It's about Norman and his mother moving to another town to run a motel after Norman's dad dies. Once they move into their new house a series of horrific events begin. I can't begin to describe how much I loved watching this. If you're looking for anything suspenseful or something that'll have you on the edge of your seat, this is it.
2. American Horror Story
I'm sure you've heard of this show before, maybe even tried watching it but it was a bit too weird for you. The thing about this show is, it's supposed to weird you out. You're supposed to be confused and creeped out throughout the whole season until that one episode that finally pulls everything together. Even then you're still going to think that this is the weirdest show ever. That's what makes it amazing. Each season is different, you can watch them in any order you'd like. Some seasons you may love, others you may not care for, but all are worth trying to watch if you enjoy shows with a twist at the end.
3. Stranger Things
Only two seasons right now, but this show is the perfect mixture of true friendship and suspense. This show is set in the 80s which makes it even more enjoyable. You'll fall in love with the characters and get drawn in by the supernatural activity happening in the show.
4. Gossip Girl
I haven't just binged watched this show, but I have binged watched it many times. It's about high-class teenage girls and boys who are best friends but also are out to destroy each other. You grow to love each and every character, even when they are doing the most devious things to other people. If you don't care much for suspense, or you just want a show that'll make you connect with the characters, this is for you.
5. End Of The F***ing World
It's only one season, which bummed me out at first, but it's jammed packed with crazy things happening. It's about two teenagers who run away together and they get in heaps of trouble. It ends with a big bang that'll have you remembering it for years to come.
6. The Walking Dead
There's not much to say about this show without me gushing about how perfect it is. You love the characters, you love the bad guys, and you love to hate certain people. The entire show is jam-packed with horrific scenes and you can't help but love every minute of it. I'm not a big zombie fan, but this show does such a spectacular job at every scene, that I love every second of it. It'll have you looking at any scenery and imagining a zombie slowly stumbling out behind a tree. It's a must watch television show.
7. Lost
Lost is about a plane crash that leaves dozens of strangers trapped together on an island. They're forced to work together and help each other to survive. Lost will also have you staring at the screen in amazement and not being able to wait for the next episode to come on.
Hulu
1. Law & Order SVU
Each episode is about a different case, but each episode is amazing. If you love messed up situations or watching something that actually happens in real life, then this show is for you. You'll start to watch episodes and try to figure out who the bad guy is and you'll grow close to the detectives.
2. The Strain
Also one of my favorite shows. This show is about an outbreak that no one can figure out how to solve or what it is. It happens in New York and these group of strangers gets together to try and stop the disease. This show automatically draws you in and keeps you hooked and begging for more.
Netflix Shows
1. Bates Motel
Bates Motel is five seasons that amazed me throughout each episode. It's about Norman and his mother moving to another town to run a motel after Norman's dad dies. Once they move into their new house a series of horrific events begin. I can't begin to describe how much I loved watching this. If you're looking for anything suspenseful or something that'll have you on the edge of your seat, this is it.
2. American Horror Story
I'm sure you've heard of this show before, maybe even tried watching it but it was a bit too weird for you. The thing about this show is, it's supposed to weird you out. You're supposed to be confused and creeped out throughout the whole season until that one episode that finally pulls everything together. Even then you're still going to think that this is the weirdest show ever. That's what makes it amazing. Each season is different, you can watch them in any order you'd like. Some seasons you may love, others you may not care for, but all are worth trying to watch if you enjoy shows with a twist at the end.
3. Stranger Things
Only two seasons right now, but this show is the perfect mixture of true friendship and suspense. This show is set in the 80s which makes it even more enjoyable. You'll fall in love with the characters and get drawn in by the supernatural activity happening in the show.
4. Gossip Girl
I haven't just binged watched this show, but I have binged watched it many times. It's about high-class teenage girls and boys who are best friends but also are out to destroy each other. You grow to love each and every character, even when they are doing the most devious things to other people. If you don't care much for suspense, or you just want a show that'll make you connect with the characters, this is for you.
5. End Of The F***ing World
It's only one season, which bummed me out at first, but it's jammed packed with crazy things happening. It's about two teenagers who run away together and they get in heaps of trouble. It ends with a big bang that'll have you remembering it for years to come.
6. The Walking Dead
There's not much to say about this show without me gushing about how perfect it is. You love the characters, you love the bad guys, and you love to hate certain people. The entire show is jam-packed with horrific scenes and you can't help but love every minute of it. I'm not a big zombie fan, but this show does such a spectacular job at every scene, that I love every second of it. It'll have you looking at any scenery and imagining a zombie slowly stumbling out behind a tree. It's a must watch television show.
7. Lost
Lost is about a plane crash that leaves dozens of strangers trapped together on an island. They're forced to work together and help each other to survive. Lost will also have you staring at the screen in amazement and not being able to wait for the next episode to come on.
Hulu
1. Law & Order SVU
Each episode is about a different case, but each episode is amazing. If you love messed up situations or watching something that actually happens in real life, then this show is for you. You'll start to watch episodes and try to figure out who the bad guy is and you'll grow close to the detectives.
2. The Strain
Also one of my favorite shows. This show is about an outbreak that no one can figure out how to solve or what it is. It happens in New York and these group of strangers gets together to try and stop the disease. This show automatically draws you in and keeps you hooked and begging for more.
Wednesday, July 25, 2018
Things I Have Learned In My 19 Years On Earth
Let us start this story off when I was around five years old. There I was, climbing trees and sitting on a porch swing with my short legs swinging back and forth. The world felt so pure, so dreamy. Whatever could these grown-ups be so upset about every day?
In my mind, the worst that could happen is running out of ice cream or popsicles. Not war, death, illness, hunger, society, just no dessert.
As I got a few years older, I started watching Disney movies. I started to understand that there's more to the world that I can't comprehend yet. In my mind, Disney movies were how life was. You'd be lonely and the man of your dream pops out of nowhere, you could change bad people into wonderful people, that no matter what bad situation you're in, someone is going to come to save you. I thought nothing could go wrong in life, and if it did it would be fixed immediately. Honestly, I even thought there was a Neverland that I could go to and I could stay a kid for forever.
Let's skip ahead to my teen years.
I started dating. I had many friends, who weren't really friends. Whoever I dated, they weren't good guys. Me, with my need to help everyone be happy, I thought I could change them. One toxic relationship after another, and I still couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Am I not enough? Why won't they let me help? Why can't someone treat me right? Well, you get the point. Throughout high school, I went through one fake friend after the next, and one heartbreak after the other. I would see everyone going to parties, drinking, trying drugs, etc. That's not who I am though. I'm the girl that goes home to read a book, write, do homework, and watch television with my mom. I lived a simple, sophisticated life. For some reason, bad people were just attracted to me. I started picking up on red flags, but even if I noticed one I thought I could fix it.
It didn't hit me until I was seventeen that I couldn't fix anyone. I was in a two-year relationship (which was abusive in every way possible), and it was toward the very end that I realized the only person I'm hurting is myself. All these years I have put my everything into people who don't care about becoming a better person. As much as we would love to fix the sad, angry, and broken people, we can't. Only they can change themselves. I'm not sure if toxic people have this radar for people who will put in their all to help them (even though they don't want help), or if they just try finding people with the biggest hearts to break. I don't think I'll ever know, and I sure don't care to find out.
At the end of my senior year, I met another guy. He didn't show any red flags, and he was utterly sweet to me. What went wrong here is that we dated the day after we first met. I never got a chance to get to know him. Once he hurt me in a way no one else has, I felt embarrassed. Not because of what he did, but that I trusted him. That within a few days of knowing him I thought he'd never hurt me. He was always rude to people, which I found sketchy, but he said he'd never be that way to me. Which he wasn't... Until we broke up.
Basically what I have learned on my beautiful years on Earth is that there's a lot of happiness in this world, but also a lot of pain and suffering. I learned that things don't just fix themselves, you have to figure out a way to fix it or to deal with it. I realized that even if you truly think you can help someone, you can't unless they're putting in the effort to change. Even if they are putting in the effort to change, you should be careful and not put them and their problems before you. I learned that no matter how fast your heart beats for someone, get to know them first. Not for a week or two, take your time. If your heart is still pitter-pattering once you truly know them, then that's when you have something special. I also figured out there's no Neverland, which I'm still not over.
In my mind, the worst that could happen is running out of ice cream or popsicles. Not war, death, illness, hunger, society, just no dessert.
As I got a few years older, I started watching Disney movies. I started to understand that there's more to the world that I can't comprehend yet. In my mind, Disney movies were how life was. You'd be lonely and the man of your dream pops out of nowhere, you could change bad people into wonderful people, that no matter what bad situation you're in, someone is going to come to save you. I thought nothing could go wrong in life, and if it did it would be fixed immediately. Honestly, I even thought there was a Neverland that I could go to and I could stay a kid for forever.
Let's skip ahead to my teen years.
I started dating. I had many friends, who weren't really friends. Whoever I dated, they weren't good guys. Me, with my need to help everyone be happy, I thought I could change them. One toxic relationship after another, and I still couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Am I not enough? Why won't they let me help? Why can't someone treat me right? Well, you get the point. Throughout high school, I went through one fake friend after the next, and one heartbreak after the other. I would see everyone going to parties, drinking, trying drugs, etc. That's not who I am though. I'm the girl that goes home to read a book, write, do homework, and watch television with my mom. I lived a simple, sophisticated life. For some reason, bad people were just attracted to me. I started picking up on red flags, but even if I noticed one I thought I could fix it.
It didn't hit me until I was seventeen that I couldn't fix anyone. I was in a two-year relationship (which was abusive in every way possible), and it was toward the very end that I realized the only person I'm hurting is myself. All these years I have put my everything into people who don't care about becoming a better person. As much as we would love to fix the sad, angry, and broken people, we can't. Only they can change themselves. I'm not sure if toxic people have this radar for people who will put in their all to help them (even though they don't want help), or if they just try finding people with the biggest hearts to break. I don't think I'll ever know, and I sure don't care to find out.
At the end of my senior year, I met another guy. He didn't show any red flags, and he was utterly sweet to me. What went wrong here is that we dated the day after we first met. I never got a chance to get to know him. Once he hurt me in a way no one else has, I felt embarrassed. Not because of what he did, but that I trusted him. That within a few days of knowing him I thought he'd never hurt me. He was always rude to people, which I found sketchy, but he said he'd never be that way to me. Which he wasn't... Until we broke up.
Basically what I have learned on my beautiful years on Earth is that there's a lot of happiness in this world, but also a lot of pain and suffering. I learned that things don't just fix themselves, you have to figure out a way to fix it or to deal with it. I realized that even if you truly think you can help someone, you can't unless they're putting in the effort to change. Even if they are putting in the effort to change, you should be careful and not put them and their problems before you. I learned that no matter how fast your heart beats for someone, get to know them first. Not for a week or two, take your time. If your heart is still pitter-pattering once you truly know them, then that's when you have something special. I also figured out there's no Neverland, which I'm still not over.
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