Many of us don't understand self-harm, and we don't try to understand. For those of you that want to learn a general idea of why people do it and the misconceptions of self-harm, you have come to the right place.
They're many misconceptions about hurting yourself (i.e self-harm is only cutting, people only do it for attention, it's just a phase, you can stop at any time, only teenagers do it, etc), and I will do my best to describe how those misconceptions are wrong and what self-harm really is.
First off, I'm speaking from experience from people around me and also from myself. I'm not just making this up as I go along, but I'm going to write what I know.
1. Self-harm is only cutting
That sounds silly, don't you think? Self-harm is doing any act that is harming yourself. It can be burning yourself, hitting yourself, scratching, hair pulling, etc. All of these types of self-harm should be taken seriously. Yes, some types of self-harm may have higher risks of infection or scarring, but all types are someone going out of their way to hurt themselves, which isn't okay.
2. People only do it for attention
Incorrect, flat out wrong. Yes, that could be a reason, but again it should be taken seriously. If someone is hurting themselves for attention than they need that attention. It's like a cry for help. People also self-harm to punish themselves, distract themselves, release pain, to feel something even if it's pain, and so on.
3. It's just a phase
Self-harm is a coping mechanism, which turns into an addiction. Just like any other bad coping mechanism (i.e alcohol, drugs), it can turn into an addiction quite easily. Saying "it's just a phase" invalidates their pain. It sounds like "eh this isn't important, you'll stop when you grow up". Addictions are hard to break, that's why they call them addictions. Which invalidates the other misconceptions saying only kids self-harm, and you can stop at any time.
They're many more misconceptions but let us jump into what self-harm is and my experience with it.
I can't describe what goes on in peoples minds that makes them think self-harm is their only option, however, I do know it happens often. In my mind, I'd never pick up a drink, but that doesn't mean other people don't think about getting wasted when they need relief. Not everyone has the same thoughts when it comes to bad coping mechanisms, we can't all understand each other, we just have to accept it and figure out a way to help.
From my experience, self-harm happens when any other addiction starts, when something bad happens and you don't know how to handle those emotions. You feel overwhelmed, and you want to get better right then and there.
Many things people don't think about is the effects that come along with self-harming (i.e how will the people who love you feel, infections, the chance of dying, scars that last forever, that you can't lie your way out of it forever, and getting addicted to it). So you can sit there and say "how could you hurt me this way" to someone who's self-harming but they don't want to hurt you. You saying that may just make them feel worse about it and not know how to deal with feeling like they hurt someone they love and go self-harm again. It becomes a cycle that you don't know how to stop. You feel bad? Self-harm. You feel bad about self-harming? Self-harm. You feel weak because you can't deal with emotions? Self-harm again. People who self-harm don't want to hurt anyone, but once you self-harm it becomes the only coping mechanism that seems to work, and it's hard to stop because you don't want to tell people you're self-harming, so you're in it alone.
Another thing is people who self-harm usually do not want to die. You self-harm to get feelings out (or whatever the reason is), not to die. Yes, you can cut too deep and something can go terribly wrong, but people don't usually think about that in the heat of the moment.
To sum all of this up, you shouldn't judge someone who self-harms because it's the same as any other bad coping mechanism. It needs to be taken care of in a loving and caring manner. Not getting upset or pushing it to the side like it doesn't matter. Know that everyone who self-harms is different, their reasons and ways of self-harming is different but should all be taken seriously. Even if the problem seems small to you it's real to them. They're hurting themselves because of these problems, which is serious. Try to change the misconceptions of self-harm that society has put into your head and change it to that it's 1. a bad coping mechanism, and 2. an addiction. It's not always that they want to die, they usually want to live. It's just a bad habit, and they need someone to stand by their side and be there for them.
Disclaimer: I am not an expert, I'm simply speaking from experience.
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