Things I Have Learned In My 19 Years On Earth

Let us start this story off when I was around five years old. There I was, climbing trees and sitting on a porch swing with my short legs swinging back and forth. The world felt so pure, so dreamy. Whatever could these grown-ups be so upset about every day?

In my mind, the worst that could happen is running out of ice cream or popsicles. Not war, death, illness, hunger, society, just no dessert.

As I got a few years older, I started watching Disney movies. I started to understand that there's more to the world that I can't comprehend yet. In my mind, Disney movies were how life was. You'd be lonely and the man of your dream pops out of nowhere, you could change bad people into wonderful people, that no matter what bad situation you're in, someone is going to come to save you. I thought nothing could go wrong in life, and if it did it would be fixed immediately. Honestly, I even thought there was a Neverland that I could go to and I could stay a kid for forever.

Let's skip ahead to my teen years.

I started dating. I had many friends, who weren't really friends. Whoever I dated, they weren't good guys. Me, with my need to help everyone be happy, I thought I could change them. One toxic relationship after another, and I still couldn't figure out what I was doing wrong. Am I not enough? Why won't they let me help? Why can't someone treat me right? Well, you get the point. Throughout high school, I went through one fake friend after the next, and one heartbreak after the other. I would see everyone going to parties, drinking, trying drugs, etc. That's not who I am though. I'm the girl that goes home to read a book, write, do homework, and watch television with my mom. I lived a simple, sophisticated life. For some reason, bad people were just attracted to me. I started picking up on red flags, but even if I noticed one I thought I could fix it.

It didn't hit me until I was seventeen that I couldn't fix anyone. I was in a two-year relationship (which was abusive in every way possible), and it was toward the very end that I realized the only person I'm hurting is myself. All these years I have put my everything into people who don't care about becoming a better person. As much as we would love to fix the sad, angry, and broken people, we can't. Only they can change themselves. I'm not sure if toxic people have this radar for people who will put in their all to help them (even though they don't want help), or if they just try finding people with the biggest hearts to break. I don't think I'll ever know, and I sure don't care to find out.

At the end of my senior year, I met another guy. He didn't show any red flags, and he was utterly sweet to me. What went wrong here is that we dated the day after we first met. I never got a chance to get to know him. Once he hurt me in a way no one else has, I felt embarrassed. Not because of what he did, but that I trusted him. That within a few days of knowing him I thought he'd never hurt me. He was always rude to people, which I found sketchy, but he said he'd never be that way to me. Which he wasn't... Until we broke up.


Basically what I have learned on my beautiful years on Earth is that there's a lot of happiness in this world, but also a lot of pain and suffering. I learned that things don't just fix themselves, you have to figure out a way to fix it or to deal with it. I realized that even if you truly think you can help someone, you can't unless they're putting in the effort to change. Even if they are putting in the effort to change, you should be careful and not put them and their problems before you. I learned that no matter how fast your heart beats for someone, get to know them first. Not for a week or two, take your time. If your heart is still pitter-pattering once you truly know them, then that's when you have something special. I also figured out there's no Neverland, which I'm still not over.